Who do you go to talk about your problems? Husband? Wife? Girlfriends? Hair stylist? Bartender? Dog or other favorite pet? I suspect it doesn't matter who you go to as much as what you are expecting when you go to someone.
I recall one instance
involving interaction with my co-workers (in another time/life). It seems
I had been the discussion as of late. More to the point, the discussions
involved my methodologies on how I go about helping people who come to the
library.
For example, imagine a person comes to the reference desk. They start to talk about whatever they came to talk about - as you should reasonably expect a person to do when they walk into a law library.
If I (a guy) am sitting there and they start to ramble into areas that have nothing to do with law or legal things, I would stop them and ask, "Excuse me, but how, exactly, can I help you, today?" I would then go about pulling resources off the shelf in response to their question/statement. It's a reasonable response, isn't it?
Thing is I've always worked under the assumption that when people come to a LAW library, they are doing so because they need a legal research problem solved and they are looking for legal resources to solve them. I mean, why else would you go to a law library? To socialize? It's not a bar, people, it's a LAW library.
They came to a LAW library to get a LEGAL question answered or addressed. I mean, we're talking maybe 10 minutes of personal interaction. The backstory is not necessary.
In fact, I don't want to know their backstory (if I can avoid it) because, if for no other reason, I do not want to become a witness in their subsequent trial. All I need is enough info to get to the heart of what they want/need.
Now, I've done a bit of research on the difference between
men and women; specifically, how men and women address problems. What I keep seeing over and over are articles dealing with how to change a man, or how to get a man to understand women. I've got an idea, how about treating men like men and women like women? I know, radical concept.
This might come like a thunder bolt to some, but unlike women, men are hardwired to solve problems. Regardless of what industry you're in, men, by and large, we do not have the patience to listen to problems. Solve them, yes; listen to, not so much.
Do women understand that it is AGONY for a man to listen to problems from a person who makes no attempt to solve them and then complains that the guy is not listening when we try to solve the problem?
It's like that video where the woman has a nail in her head. Instead of addressing the nail in her head, she just wants to talk about how her head hurts. TAKE THE NAIL OUT OF YOUR !@@%!@#!~@ HEAD and you'll feel better! Nope, she's not buying it.
What would be helpful for the persons in my profession to understand is that I'm never going to be, think, or act like a female. Not gonna happen.
Confused? Let me spell it out for you. I don't want to be a girl. I won't dress like one, won't yak like one, pluck my eyebrows, wear make-up, and won't walk like a girl.
Wax my legs? Not a chance. Heck, I won't voluntarily wax any of my body parts, thread my eyebrows, wear uncomfortable underwear, dangerously high heels, anything lacy, won't spend more than $20 on a haircut, and will NEVER, EVER wear nylons.
Of course, this all brought to mind a situation that happened at my library a while back (not where I work now but where I used to work). A young-ish lady came into our library looking for help on how to expunge her criminal record (so she could get a decent job). Right off, she starts talking to a member of our staff (who happened to be of the female persuasion).
Initially, I was sitting near the reference desk and about 20 minutes into the conversation, I walked away. I came back about an hour later and they were still at it. Another hour, still going strong.
Nearing the end of the 4th hour, things sounded like they were winding up. Staff member announced she was going to lunch and turned towards me and asked if I could help the lady.
"How can I help," I asked. Youngish lady starts with the whole story and I cut her off asking, "How can I help you, today?" Lady says, she needed to expunge her criminal record. "OK, lets go," and I walk lady over to our criminal section where I suggest he take a look at:
The thing is, I don't get paid to listen to problems. I'm here to help people find solutions to their problems. What would be nice is if people would stop trying to get me to develop feminine tendencies. I doubt the women discussing my methodologies even realize that this is what they are asking of me.
You have a legal research problem that needs to be solved? I'm the guy to help you do it. If what you need is someone with which to commiserate, might I suggest you call your girlfriends or hit up the nearest bartender.
Thing is I've always worked under the assumption that when people come to a LAW library, they are doing so because they need a legal research problem solved and they are looking for legal resources to solve them. I mean, why else would you go to a law library? To socialize? It's not a bar, people, it's a LAW library.
They came to a LAW library to get a LEGAL question answered or addressed. I mean, we're talking maybe 10 minutes of personal interaction. The backstory is not necessary.
In fact, I don't want to know their backstory (if I can avoid it) because, if for no other reason, I do not want to become a witness in their subsequent trial. All I need is enough info to get to the heart of what they want/need.
Now, I've done a bit of research on the difference between
This might come like a thunder bolt to some, but unlike women, men are hardwired to solve problems. Regardless of what industry you're in, men, by and large, we do not have the patience to listen to problems. Solve them, yes; listen to, not so much.
Do women understand that it is AGONY for a man to listen to problems from a person who makes no attempt to solve them and then complains that the guy is not listening when we try to solve the problem?
It's like that video where the woman has a nail in her head. Instead of addressing the nail in her head, she just wants to talk about how her head hurts. TAKE THE NAIL OUT OF YOUR !@@%!@#!~@ HEAD and you'll feel better! Nope, she's not buying it.
What would be helpful for the persons in my profession to understand is that I'm never going to be, think, or act like a female. Not gonna happen.
Confused? Let me spell it out for you. I don't want to be a girl. I won't dress like one, won't yak like one, pluck my eyebrows, wear make-up, and won't walk like a girl.
Wax my legs? Not a chance. Heck, I won't voluntarily wax any of my body parts, thread my eyebrows, wear uncomfortable underwear, dangerously high heels, anything lacy, won't spend more than $20 on a haircut, and will NEVER, EVER wear nylons.
Of course, this all brought to mind a situation that happened at my library a while back (not where I work now but where I used to work). A young-ish lady came into our library looking for help on how to expunge her criminal record (so she could get a decent job). Right off, she starts talking to a member of our staff (who happened to be of the female persuasion).
Initially, I was sitting near the reference desk and about 20 minutes into the conversation, I walked away. I came back about an hour later and they were still at it. Another hour, still going strong.
Nearing the end of the 4th hour, things sounded like they were winding up. Staff member announced she was going to lunch and turned towards me and asked if I could help the lady.
"How can I help," I asked. Youngish lady starts with the whole story and I cut her off asking, "How can I help you, today?" Lady says, she needed to expunge her criminal record. "OK, lets go," and I walk lady over to our criminal section where I suggest he take a look at:
- California Criminal Practice, Motions, Jury Instructions, and Sentencing (TR)
- California Criminal Law and Practice (CEB)
- Criminal Defense Techniques (Lexis)
The thing is, I don't get paid to listen to problems. I'm here to help people find solutions to their problems. What would be nice is if people would stop trying to get me to develop feminine tendencies. I doubt the women discussing my methodologies even realize that this is what they are asking of me.
You have a legal research problem that needs to be solved? I'm the guy to help you do it. If what you need is someone with which to commiserate, might I suggest you call your girlfriends or hit up the nearest bartender.
No comments:
Post a Comment