Word of the Month for August 2018: Connivance

Do you remember the movie Hall Pass?  Basically, a straight to DVD mid-life crisis flick about two guys who are given a "hall pass" by their wives to do whatever they want for a week.  That's right, whatever they want.  What do you think is going to happen?!  What do you think the wives thought was going to happen?!?

I suspect the wives figured their husbands would shake out their mid-life blues and get on with life (or realize that the marriage is over and to get on with their lives).  Either way, there are going to be problems with the granting of a "hall pass" in that one "someone" is going to have hurt feelings.

Before we get too far into our story of the month, let's define the word of the month: CONNIVANCE.  According to Black's Law Dictionary, CONNIVANCE  is:

the act of indulging or ignoring another's wrongdoing, esp. when action should be taken to prevent it.  Family Law.  A defense to divorce, one spouse's corrupt consent, express or implied, to have the other commit adultery or some other act of sexual misconduct.  Consent is an essential element of connivance.  The complaining spouse must have consented to the act complained of.

While most states have no-fault divorce, it can still be a thing. Take, for example, the Guy who came into my library a while back.  Seems that after 15 years of marriage, Guy's wife was getting tired of his amorous advances.  

I say, "Wait - your wife - the woman to whom you are married - is tired of your advances?"  Eh, it happens, I guess.  Thing is, after a decade of helping people defend or pursue dissolution actions, I have seen marriages fail for far less than simply getting blown off.

Anyway, the wife tells Guy one weekend to go crazy and find someone to "play" with.  That's right, she gave him a hall pass and that's "play" as in nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Fast forward a few weeks later and wife is talking with a neighborhood friend who mentions her tryst with her husband while he was on the hall pass.  Wife freaks out, the police summoned, relationships were severed, and wife filed for divorce.  

Guy is now in the library looking for help on how to protect himself now that he and wife are on the outs.  Wait - didn't wife say go forth and conquer?  Does she not remember the hall pass?!?  

So, when the wife says do whatever you want, she doesn't actually mean do whatever you want; she means DON'T do anything; stay home and be miserable.  Apparently, Guy is a literal type of person (which is probably why he's getting divorced). 

 Anyway, I suggested guy take a look at:

• California Family Law: practice and procedure (Lexis)
• California Practice Guide: Family Law (TR)
• California Marital and other Family Law Agreements (CEB)
• Dividing Pensions and Other Employee Benefits in California Divorces (CEB)
• Bassett on California Community Property Law (TR)

and off Guy went developing a response to his soon-to-be ex-wife's petition for dissolution.

The problem with all this is that this is pretty much all wife's fault.  Notwithstanding the fact that people can be really kookie dooks when it comes to life and marriage and stuff - particularly when it comes to being up front about what the real problem(s) is/are.  

I suspect had wife been forthright and upfront with what was going on in her head, there would have been no divorce and life would have been as it was (or, in the very least, wife should have explicitly said the marriage is dead and let's get on with life).

Jeesh!  Grant a hall pass and flipped out?!  Some people's kids.


***Editor's Note:  It's been about a month since I published this blog post and in that time, I have had quite a number of  hateful slurs slung against me and this post.  Of course, every hateful slur has been by a woman - which pretty much proves my point.  What do "they" say: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones..."