Wednesday, November 18, 2015

That's why

You can never have too many lawyer jokes
You ever wondered why there are so many lawyer jokes?  I suspect one reason is because people are tired of hearing about all the frivolous lawsuits that are being thrown around.  Of course, that's not so much an issue with attorney as with the greed of people, in general.  Another reason, then, is that attorneys have ungodly amounts of power at their fingertips that just boggle the mind of most common people.  Because they have so much power they know how to skirt around or find loopholes through the laws that most common people are subjected.

Take, for instance, the recent shake up at the California State Bar.  Seems the (former) State Bar manager (John Noonen) submitted a 40-page internal whistleblower complaint alleging misconduct by Chief Trial Counsel Jayne Kim as well as a number of other issues dealing with attorney discipline.  Subsequently, Mr. Noonen was fired from his job.  

At any other place, this would be a classic case of retaliation.  But we're not at any other place - this is the State Bar (the place where law and ethics is supposed to hang out).  Of course, the State Bar denies any wrongdoing (what with being ethical, and all) and stated that:
The Bar has not and will not engage in retaliation against its employees, takes all complaints seriously, and has acted on those complaints promptly and comprehensively.
In layman's terms, this reads we didn't screw up but if we did screw up we didn't screw up.  Confused?  Sounds like they are, too, and are looking to do a little CYA (given the fact that this seems to be the second such complaint is as many years by former State Bar EO Joe Dunn).  Might I suggest these esteemed attorneys stop with the legal-speak, say they're sorry (i.e. we did screw up) and move on.  That, of course, won't probably ever happen.  I mean, when have you ever heard a politician apologize for anything? 

Since (I suspect) little will change, the only thing left to do is to let the lawyer jokes commence.  Thus:
  • Q: What do you call 100 lawyers skydiving?  A: Skeet.
  • Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?  A: 3.  The rest are true stories.
  • Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
  • Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?  A: Senator.
  • Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?  A: Chelsea Clinton.
  • Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?  A: Say, "Fees!"